I learned French in school (un peu) but, living in my neighborhood have started picking up some more Spanish. There was a fight outside my building today which was GREAT for learning the every day, conversational stuff that you don't get in a classroom. Here it is!
Gruff Voiced Man:
Stupido. Stupido. Stupido. Stupido! Stupido! Stupido! Stupido! (something) stupido...Stupido.
Quiet Man:
(something something something)
Gruff Voiced Man:
Stupido! Stupido! Que!?! Que!?! Que!?! Que!?! Que!?! Que!?! Stupido! (something) amigo stupido!
Quiet Man:
someth---
Gruff Voiced Man:
Stupido... Stupido... Stupido.. Stupido...STUPIDO!
---
I missed few words here and there, but I'm pretty sure they were arguing about the debt ceiling.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
...Counselor of the Year
Last summer I worked in Italy as a counselor for a college prep program. This program has a zero tolerance policy for drinking and drugs; neither the students nor the staff was allowed to drink or be in the presence of alcohol. No problem, except OH we're in ITALY! Wine is cheaper than soda. Wine is cheaper than water! But anyone found in the presence of alcohol would be sent home at their own expense.
Like Prada clad veloceraptors, the students test the fence and every year at least one group is caught and sent home. My fellow counselors and I were determined to sufficiently warn (scare the crap out of) our kids, then patrol (the crap out of) them so as to prevent the heart break of sending anyone home.
As this group of students was particularly lazy and as we were particularly vigilant we neared the end of our tour intact. Then one night, waiting in the lobby of our hotel for dinner, I noticed a guest of the hotel talking to Kim, one of the girls in my group. It was a friendly conversation and it looked like Kim was being a good (what, ambassador?) for the group. I noticed that the hotel guest had a glass of white wine that she sipped once or twice during the conversation. "Ha!" the comedian in me cried, "That is a joke waiting to happen. This is going to be awesome!" Hotel guest and my student carried on for about 5 minutes, then Kim returned to the ladies of the "Long Island Eight".
"Now's our chance!" my shoulder comedian said. I approached the student somberly.
"Kim. I need to talk to you. You know that you're absolutely not allowed in the presence of alcohol. That woman was drinking a glass of wine. We're going to have to go talk to the director."
Kim's face dropped. The Long Island Eights' faces dropped. Kim started to tear up.
I laughed. "I'm just..." I trailed off. "kidding."
"Oh my god, that's not cool!" Kim composed herself. Long Island Four laughed and/or comforted Kim.
My laugh faded. "Oh, Kim, I'm sorry. I'm just. Oh, I thought that would be funny and it wasn't. I'm sorry, hon."
Three truths about the incident:
1. That was not cool.
2. I through a month's worth of professionalism down the toilet for one joke.
3. It was a fucking funny joke. Made me laugh just now.
Like Prada clad veloceraptors, the students test the fence and every year at least one group is caught and sent home. My fellow counselors and I were determined to sufficiently warn (scare the crap out of) our kids, then patrol (the crap out of) them so as to prevent the heart break of sending anyone home.
As this group of students was particularly lazy and as we were particularly vigilant we neared the end of our tour intact. Then one night, waiting in the lobby of our hotel for dinner, I noticed a guest of the hotel talking to Kim, one of the girls in my group. It was a friendly conversation and it looked like Kim was being a good (what, ambassador?) for the group. I noticed that the hotel guest had a glass of white wine that she sipped once or twice during the conversation. "Ha!" the comedian in me cried, "That is a joke waiting to happen. This is going to be awesome!" Hotel guest and my student carried on for about 5 minutes, then Kim returned to the ladies of the "Long Island Eight".
"Now's our chance!" my shoulder comedian said. I approached the student somberly.
"Kim. I need to talk to you. You know that you're absolutely not allowed in the presence of alcohol. That woman was drinking a glass of wine. We're going to have to go talk to the director."
Kim's face dropped. The Long Island Eights' faces dropped. Kim started to tear up.
I laughed. "I'm just..." I trailed off. "kidding."
"Oh my god, that's not cool!" Kim composed herself. Long Island Four laughed and/or comforted Kim.
My laugh faded. "Oh, Kim, I'm sorry. I'm just. Oh, I thought that would be funny and it wasn't. I'm sorry, hon."
Three truths about the incident:
1. That was not cool.
2. I through a month's worth of professionalism down the toilet for one joke.
3. It was a fucking funny joke. Made me laugh just now.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
...Dealing with Tina Fey
Dear Ms. Fey,
Whoa whoa whoa! This is in reference to your letter and multiple e-mails to me.
I would like to start by saying that I am, yes, very impressed by your work. I find you hilarious and yes, if you insist, a role model. 30 Rock is one of my favorite shows of all time and your Sarah Palin is one for the books.
My deification of Nia Vardalos and Kristen Wiig was a sort of personal mantra and not in any way meant to exclude you from my list of favorite comedians. I was, in fact, going to write a third prayer this evening and address it to you. With this most recent certified letter, I thought it best to address you directly.
Your lawyers have asked me to say the following:
I have been a royal asshole. My closest friends know that I love Tina Fey and even dressed as Elizabeth "Liz" Lemon for Halloween. Not only a leader in comedic writing, acting, and producing, Tina Fey serves as an exemplary autobiographer, mother and cover model. When referencing women in comedy, the first name uttered should be Tina Fey. Only then can names like Gilda Radner, Jane Curtin and Andrea Martin be mentioned. I would like to personally apologize to Ms. Fey, her family, my family and my church (lady). I am deeply sorry for my actions.
There. I hope that's good enough for you. I really was going to write that prayer to you this evening. Also, will you call Pohler off? She's been throwing bricks at my window all night. They just keep hitting the ac unit, but still, they're loud. Thanks.
All the best,
Molly Thomas
Whoa whoa whoa! This is in reference to your letter and multiple e-mails to me.
I would like to start by saying that I am, yes, very impressed by your work. I find you hilarious and yes, if you insist, a role model. 30 Rock is one of my favorite shows of all time and your Sarah Palin is one for the books.
My deification of Nia Vardalos and Kristen Wiig was a sort of personal mantra and not in any way meant to exclude you from my list of favorite comedians. I was, in fact, going to write a third prayer this evening and address it to you. With this most recent certified letter, I thought it best to address you directly.
Your lawyers have asked me to say the following:
I have been a royal asshole. My closest friends know that I love Tina Fey and even dressed as Elizabeth "Liz" Lemon for Halloween. Not only a leader in comedic writing, acting, and producing, Tina Fey serves as an exemplary autobiographer, mother and cover model. When referencing women in comedy, the first name uttered should be Tina Fey. Only then can names like Gilda Radner, Jane Curtin and Andrea Martin be mentioned. I would like to personally apologize to Ms. Fey, her family, my family and my church (lady). I am deeply sorry for my actions.
There. I hope that's good enough for you. I really was going to write that prayer to you this evening. Also, will you call Pohler off? She's been throwing bricks at my window all night. They just keep hitting the ac unit, but still, they're loud. Thanks.
All the best,
Molly Thomas
Monday, June 27, 2011
...Praying Again
Most Holy Kristen Wiig
Grant me the gangliness of your limbs
And the goofiness of your voice
Teach me to turn idiosyncrasies into characters
Give me the wisdom to know how to play myself
Keep me in the perpetual sunshine of Bridesmaids
Most venerable Kristen
Keep me laughing until I cry
Focus my interviews around farts and farting
Teach me to wear tiny doll arms
May my limbs be always gangly
May my interpretive dances be literal
May my head be always in John Hamm's lap
Amen
Grant me the gangliness of your limbs
And the goofiness of your voice
Teach me to turn idiosyncrasies into characters
Give me the wisdom to know how to play myself
Keep me in the perpetual sunshine of Bridesmaids
Most venerable Kristen
Keep me laughing until I cry
Focus my interviews around farts and farting
Teach me to wear tiny doll arms
May my limbs be always gangly
May my interpretive dances be literal
May my head be always in John Hamm's lap
Amen
Friday, June 24, 2011
...Praying to a Greek Goddess
Nia Vardalos, Goddess of Creation of Work for One's Self
Grant me the wisdom to write what I know.
Strengthen me with the knowledge that where I come from is hilarious.
Fortify my ability to speak.
Holy Nia, Mother of Her Own Career
Keep me surrounded by the warmth of laughter.
Let me work with heroes and friends.
Help me make the world a funnier place.
May feta keep my tongue in salt.
May lemon keep it bright and tart.
May baklava remind me of sweetness.
May Moussaka be far away (That stuff is gross.)
Amen
Thursday, June 23, 2011
...Thinking about Babies of Color
Oh Americans, we are still so weird when it comes to race. There's an AP article featured on Yahoo right now entitled "Census shows whites lose US majority among babies" I find this title so weird, though it accurately labels the article to follow. Let me also clarify that when I say weird, I mean racist.
Essentially the article says that the 2010 US Census showed that for the first time, whites accounted for less than 50% of children under 2. This population shift is defined as the "Minority Majority". Though single mother households are decreasing amongst African Americans, marriage is decreasing at a greater rate. So, for the first time, single mother households outnumbered married households amongst African Americans. Hispanics are reproducing faster than whites and roughly 80% of adults over 65 are white. The changes in racial and ethnic make up of our country will change legislation etc etc etc. Our culture is changing.
Here's my problem with the article. For all the signs pointing to a need for awareness and change in American culture, this article feels completely old guard. Americans are broken into Whites and People of Color even "kids of color". African Americans and Hispanics are discussed. Asians are mentioned once. No other groups are named. It's White and Non-White. The title, too sets up this territorial battle between whites and everyone else. Not only are non-whites dealt with as Other, they are treated almost as an infestation:
The article points out a rapidly changing racial and ethnic environment which, granted, has a huge impact on our society, but instead of feeling like a statement of facts, it reads as a sort of Tornado warning for whites.
Check it out. Let me know what you think.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110623/ap_on_go_ot/us_census_white_minority
Essentially the article says that the 2010 US Census showed that for the first time, whites accounted for less than 50% of children under 2. This population shift is defined as the "Minority Majority". Though single mother households are decreasing amongst African Americans, marriage is decreasing at a greater rate. So, for the first time, single mother households outnumbered married households amongst African Americans. Hispanics are reproducing faster than whites and roughly 80% of adults over 65 are white. The changes in racial and ethnic make up of our country will change legislation etc etc etc. Our culture is changing.
Here's my problem with the article. For all the signs pointing to a need for awareness and change in American culture, this article feels completely old guard. Americans are broken into Whites and People of Color even "kids of color". African Americans and Hispanics are discussed. Asians are mentioned once. No other groups are named. It's White and Non-White. The title, too sets up this territorial battle between whites and everyone else. Not only are non-whites dealt with as Other, they are treated almost as an infestation:
"Because minority births are driving the rapid changes in the population, "any institution that touches or is impacted by children will be the first to feel the impact," Johnson said, citing as an example child and maternal health care that will have to be attentive to minorities' needs."
The article points out a rapidly changing racial and ethnic environment which, granted, has a huge impact on our society, but instead of feeling like a statement of facts, it reads as a sort of Tornado warning for whites.
Check it out. Let me know what you think.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110623/ap_on_go_ot/us_census_white_minority
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
...Wondering Which Newscaster is the Evil Twin
"Tired of the same old news? ...So are we" One poster for Pix 11 News at 10 reads. Pix 11, a local New York station is changing things up and they're telling us about it with these print adds on the subway.
Part of the same poster tells me: We're tired of the sterility of other news rooms. Desks? Moniters? Where's the sex? This show is going to be like Grey's Anatomy, but with Newscasters!!! More sexy women (Debra Alfarone might turn out to be a lesbian in season 3). There's a black guy. Marvin Scott might have it in for Mr. G... Foreshadowing for tons of action. The season will be fraught with drama.
You're thinking you hate old tvs? The men of Pix11 will smash tvs! Do you find newspapers too covered with words? They will throw more newspapers around and not even care! One of these men doesn't and even have a last name! Lionel! That's all you need when you're showing media who's boss!
Lest you think this show is all violence and no empathy Pix 11 leaves us with this:
"Do the other stations really listen...or do they just wait for their turn to talk? Welcome to the conversation. Every night at 10." So ladies, if you're headed to bed and your regular newsman just isn't listening, turn on Pix 11. They'll inform you just the way you like to be informed. Then they'll roll you over, spoon you, and ask about your day.
I cannot wait to watch the news.
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