I fessed up to recently watching the first 30 minutes of Jennifer's Body (which was actually way better than I thought it would be). Nate Min relinquished Space Jam which was a nice try, but as he was a kid when he watched it- doesn't count. Then the gentleman sitting next to me offered: "I masturbated to Crossroads once. The movie came on and I thought, 'Well, I have to do something.' It was back when Britney Spears was hot."
Like Eve and 5 Adams sitting around a beer sopped table in McManus, I was instantly hyper aware of the fact that I am a woman and these dudes are dudes. It was like someone unplugged the jukebox as someone else yelled "Molly's a chick and everyone else over there's a guy!" It was as if my uterus started glowing through my skin. We were all of a sudden playing "Dick, Dick, Molly." It was akin to gym coach throwing jerseys on everyone but me saying "Let's form a boys' baseball team." A miniature cast of Sex and the City was sitting on my shoulders like 3 well dressed angels and one older devil. Even Devil Samantha edited the part of herself that was going to prod me into joining the conversation.
What the hell do I say? The only answer is zippo. Classic lose, lose situation. Now, fortunately, each one of these guys is cool and hilarious and we made a couple jokes and moved on to the next topic. It was a hilarious confession. I didn't feel threatened or offended. It wasn't a big deal. It was barely even a thing except that it was this weird thing where gender really mattered or maybe it mattered to me and not to the guys...? Finding it hard to articulate...maybe I should use another analogy. Yes? I was a Macintosh amongst Oranges talking about their navels. Does that clarify?
My friend Shannon tells me that gender is just a social construct. She learned this in her fancy school. I am interested in thinking about this more. Huh, so is Shoulder Angel Miranda. What do you know?