Monday, June 20, 2011

...One of the Guys

I had an Advanced Study Class improv show tonight and a bunch of us went out after for a drink. So, we were talking about movies and the show we just did and class and tv and Ryan Dunn dying and twitter and joking that Jon from class is dating his mother and natural disasters. It was fun. About an hour in, with 6 of us left, we got on the subject of movies that we are embarrassed to admit that we've seen.

I fessed up to recently watching the first 30 minutes of Jennifer's Body (which was actually way better than I thought it would be). Nate Min relinquished Space Jam which was a nice try, but as he was a kid when he watched it- doesn't count. Then the gentleman sitting next to me offered: "I masturbated to Crossroads once. The movie came on and I thought, 'Well, I have to do something.' It was back when Britney Spears was hot."

Like Eve and 5 Adams sitting around a beer sopped table in McManus, I was instantly hyper aware of the fact that I am a woman and these dudes are dudes. It was like someone unplugged the jukebox as someone else yelled "Molly's a chick and everyone else over there's a guy!" It was as if my uterus started glowing through my skin. We were all of a sudden playing "Dick, Dick, Molly." It was akin to gym coach throwing jerseys on everyone but me saying "Let's form a boys' baseball team." A miniature cast of Sex and the City was sitting on my shoulders like 3 well dressed angels and one older devil. Even Devil Samantha edited the part of herself that was going to prod me into joining the conversation.

What the hell do I say? The only answer is zippo. Classic lose, lose situation. Now, fortunately, each one of these guys is cool and hilarious and we made a couple jokes and moved on to the next topic. It was a hilarious confession. I didn't feel threatened or offended. It wasn't a big deal. It was barely even a thing except that it was this weird thing where gender really mattered or maybe it mattered to me and not to the guys...? Finding it hard to articulate...maybe I should use another analogy. Yes? I was a Macintosh amongst Oranges talking about their navels. Does that clarify?

My friend Shannon tells me that gender is just a social construct. She learned this in her fancy school. I am interested in thinking about this more. Huh, so is Shoulder Angel Miranda. What do you know?

For you.

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